The original “Star Wars” trilogy is one helluva portfolio for any film-maker to live up to and, though it pains me to say it, George Lucas is clearly struggling to do just that with this ambitious, and perhaps even misguided, attempt at bringing the opening three tales to the big screen.
Episode I, “The Phantom Menace”, was slated in many quarters for presenting outstanding special effects as an adequate replacement for the wonderful storytelling of the original tales. “Attack of the Clones” largely makes the same mistake, but with the added stomach-churner of a woeful script and wooden acting.
Set a decade on from Episode I, Hayden Christensen takes on the role of Anakin Skywalker, still learning the ways of the Jedi under Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and looking for luuurrve with Queen Amadala (Natalie Portman). With the threat of the Dark Side growing, Anakin is assigned to protect Amadala from assassination, while Obi-Wan hot foots it across the galaxy sniffing for clues about an uprising.
Problem 1 is the teeth-grindingly bad love scenes between Anakin and Amadala, with corny pseudo-poetic chat-up lines and far too much rolling about in meadows for my liking. Lucas got things spot-on with the sharp, witty love-hate relationship between Han Solo and Princess Leia this one's about as far away from that as you could possibly get.
Problem 2 is McGregor's continual struggle with THAT part-Scottish part-Alec Guinness accent. You can tell the Scottish side's winning through though, as one of the first things his character does in the movie is head for the bar.
Problem 3 is that only Anakin appears to have aged even slightly, though Natalie Portman makes a valiant attempt at looking older by dressing a bit like Britney Spears.
What saves the film is a rip-roaring last half-hour, topped off by a simultaneously impressive and hilarious light sabre battle between a villainous Christopher Lee and Yoda. And that Yoda might be a balding little gremlin with a horrific complexion, but he sure knows how to kick some serious booty.